“Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”
James 3:13-18 NASB
http://bible.com/100/jas.3.13-18.nasb
As wives, we want to be wise and understanding toward our husband. How do we do that? James says we are to show by our behavior our deeds in the gentleness of wisdom.
What hinders gentleness, wisdom and understanding?
1. Bitter jealousy
2. Selfish ambition
3. Arrogance
Wow! These three things don't sound that big, but they are. How many marriages have you seen torn apart by jealousy, selfishness and arrogance? Jealousy and selfishness are pretty self explanatory, but how does arrogance manifest itself in a marriage? One little word works to describe it. Nagging.
When we nag our husbands we are showing ourselves to be arrogant. We feel that if we don't nag he won't do what we want him to do. If we don't nag, the lawn won't be mowed (and it might not be mowed!). If we don't nag, he won't get out the door to work on time. If we don't nag he won't get up for church on time (and he might not!). If we don't nag, the taxes won't get done right. If we don't nag, things won't get done right or on time (and they might not!)
Basically, our nagging communicates to our husband that we know better and he doesn't. Isn't that arrogance?
While it might be true that if we don't nag things won't get done as we would want them done, we need to not do this. It is unwise and it is not understanding of our men and their needs. It's why they get a reputation for ignoring their wives.
We need to heed verse 17. "But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy."
Peter has something to say about this too.
“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”
1 Peter 3:1-2 NASB
http://bible.com/100/1pe.3.1-2.nasb
Our behavior, especially, how we use our tongues, is of the most importance in marriage. It's not always easy to bite your tongue, but the benefits reaped from doing it and pursuing the road of wisdom, gentleness and peace is worth it.
